Stress and anxiety are part of being human. Your nervous system is wired to protect you, reacting automatically to stressors big and small. But what happens when those reactions leave you feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected? This is where self-regulation comes in.

In this post, I’ll walk you through five practical ways to regulate your nervous system, based on tools I’ve shared with clients. These techniques help you understand your body’s stress responses and find what works best for you.

Prefer to watch instead of read? Check out the video below:

What Is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is about working with your body’s natural stress responses to find balance. The nervous system is designed to keep you safe, but modern life often leaves us feeling:

• Exhausted
• Lacking focus
• Anxious
• Disconnected

These are normal responses to a stressful environment. There’s nothing wrong with you if you experience these feelings—they’re your body’s way of signaling that something needs to change.

Understanding the Four Stress Responses

Most of us have heard of "fight or flight," but there are actually four ways the nervous system reacts to stress. Each response plays a role in your survival:

1. Flight: The first response to stress, where your body works to escape danger by planning and taking action. Logic and memory are still accessible here.
2. Fight: If escape isn’t possible, frustration or anger may arise as your body prepares for action.
3. Freeze: Your body activates both the gas and brakes, leaving you stuck or unsure of what to do.
4. Flop: When energetic resources are low, your mind will disconnect you from the stress altogether.

Everyone goes through each of these responses at different times depending on the circumstances, your past experiences, and how much energy you have available.

5 Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System

These techniques align with the four stress responses and one general strategy that works across the board. Regular practice is key—when stress takes over, you won’t have access to logical thinking, so these actions need to feel automatic.

1. Safe and Supported (All Responses)

• How to Do It: Place your hands over your heart, breathe deeply, and say, “I’m safe.” Then, open your arms wide (or adjust your posture) and say, “I’m supported.”
• Why It Works: This technique activates a sense of safety and connection, calming your nervous system regardless of the stress response.

2. One More Breath (Flight)

• How to Do It: Breathe in deeply and count. Then, exhale for one count longer. For example, inhale for 5 seconds and exhale for 6.
• Why It Works: Extending the exhale engages your parasympathetic nervous system, gently putting the brakes on.
• When to Use: Ideal for fidgety, anxious moments when you feel the need to move or take action but need to stay present.

3. Express Yourself (Fight)

• How to Do It: Safely release energy by journaling, moving, or even making sounds like humming or yelling (when appropriate).
• Why It Works: Fight energy builds when you are unable to express yourself, creating frustration, resentment, and anger. It needs to be released otherwise it stays in your body.

4. Intentional Action (Freeze)

• How to Do It: Take small, deliberate actions, such as walking, drinking water, stretching, checking the mail, etc.
• Why It Works: Small, gentle movement or an intentional, well-practiced activity helps break the cycle of feeling stuck. By taking action, you are essentially releasing the brakes (dorsal vagal response / parasympathetic). By doing a non-important, yet intentional activity your body signals your brain that you are less or not stressed.

5. Reconnect with Your Body (Flop)

• How to Do It: Use sensory grounding (e.g., the “5-4-3-2-1” method: name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you feel, 2 you smell, 1 you taste).
• Why It Works: Dissociation disconnects the mind and body. By engaging your senses, you reconnect your body to your mind.

Final Thoughts

In high-stress moments, your brain’s ability to think logically is reduced. Practicing these techniques regularly ensures they’re second nature when you need them most. Start small—choose one method to practice this week.

If you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, remember that co-regulation with a regulated person is the fastest way to regulate. You don't need to regulate on your own. There is help available if you reach out. Hotlines, friends, or professionals can provide the co-regulation we all need sometimes.